Houston, We Have A Problem

DISCLAIMER: When I come back tomorrow and read this, I'm going to be sorry I posted it. I'm in a blue funk and am sure to reveal details that are not for public knowledge. This post is aimed directly at myself...with a loaded, sawed-off shotgun. (That being my weapon of choice because it's the only one that I can think of to inflict extreme damage! After all I do live in south Mississippi.)

I'm desperately searching for that button. The imaginary bright red one in my head that I somehow PUSHED last July. How well I remember how easy it seemed. Were the stars aligned? Were all my neurons, electrons and protons firing in some perfect, specific order? Was it a book I read? Did I develop my fascination with Dr. Oz and he spurred me on? Did my wisdom or the health factor kick in?

I've no answer to any of the above asked questions. I only know they are burning a hole in my psyche and I NEED, WANT, am DESPERATE to figure it out.

You couldn't have paid me to touch a dessert. I was responsible for 4 major events that week of July. There were succulent, homemade desserts piled up. I didn't touch a crumb of bread. I wouldn't dream of a grain of rice crossing my lips. I was ON TRACK. I allowed myself all the fruit I could shovel in. Any amount of vegetables (honestly didn't matter how they were cooked) were never too many. And limited portions of protein. My nurse sister later informed me I was basically doing the South Beach Diet.

And I was getting up 6ish and walk/jogging no less than 5 days a week. You couldn't have paid me to consume something "bad". I was tracking everything that entered my mouth on my iphone. And it worked. I lost 28 pounds by November.

I live with Tallulah (my cat), no humans. Meaning I rarely cook unless entertaining. I learned to dine anywhere and stay RIGHT ON TRACK. People, it's what goes into our mouths. Yes, there are other factors that regulate our weight. But when it comes right down to it, it's how many times we bend those elbows!!! I learned to SNACK legally. McDonald's has a perfect lo-fat ice cream cone, 140 calories, or the yogurt parfait. Wendy's Junior frosty? About the same calorie count. I kept trail mix in my car (and quickly learned a handful with dried fruit in it absolutely CURBS hunger.) Mexican restaurant? Order the grilled veggies and a bit of grilled chicken. Fine dining? Have grilled fish and steamed veggies. Hungry while driving? Chili from Wendy's or salad from McDonalds. Cook every night? Veggies. Eat them first and as many as you can. Then add some protein.

I'm not saying this will work perfectly for you. But it did for me. Pounds melted away. I would talk to myself during my morning walk. Why would I want to kill the effects of my walk with some high calorie sweet? I'd have to walk twice the length to compensate. My mantra was NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS BEING THIN FEELS. Having someone say, "Wow, you have really lost!" boosted my confidence further. One dear friend even went so far as to say, "Stop now T. You're going to blow away." (Ummm, that would have to be a force worse than Katrina but I LOVED hearing it.=)

(My daughter Tayler and I did this most of this together. She stayed on track and hit a major goal. She looks amazing. PROUD does not begin to explain.)

NOW, I shall begin all my excuses. Thanksgiving came and I persevered. I did have some dessert, thinking it wouldn't be hard to just maintain. I really did ok. Then came the rain and cold. I missed several days walking because of rain. Then didn't want to get sick because our church production required me singing. And the downhill descent began. Christmas was a time of vacillating back and forth from "just have one Martha Washington" to "I simply can't pass up these dumplings". And it rained more. And got colder than I ever remember in MS.

I'm up 5# from my original 28# loss. (That's the info I'll regret sharing.) Houston, we have a problem. I CAN'T SEEM TO STOP.
3 days of last week were spent seeing just what all I could find to eat. My eyes scanned the horizon just LOOKING for a drive-thru that may interest me. I had Krispy Kreme doughnuts for God's sake. I ate as much pasta as I could without being violently ill. Rice? Give me a shovel. Someone please explain this to me??!! My son marries in mere weeks. You'd think of all the times in my life this would be tantamount? Why can't I get ahold of myself? Where'd that woman who was so proud of making her heart healthy go? I REALLY wanted to have 35# off for the wedding. At this rate, only a very sharp chef's knife could accomplish that goal.

OK, OK, OK. I walked/jogged this morning. And I talked to myself. It felt really good. The breeze was perfection. I changed shirts 4 times just trying to find my "inspiring" one. I didn't quite make the early walk, more a mid-morning one.

Hey. It's a start. Somehow, I've got to find that red button. Today I vow to log everything that enters my pie hole. ( I sincerely hate that vernacular but I'm sincerely overwrought so please allow me.) Next week, I will arise early for my morning sprint. I am returning to my fruit, veggies, limited protein plan. It worked before. Lord Jesus help me to see it working again, and SOON.

I never planned on this blog being a forum about weight loss, but if that's what it takes, so be it. Shall I let you know how I'm faring? I promise complete and total honesty to you. Thank you for your patience with my impatience (with myself). Here's hoping that sharing this with you with help me PUSH THAT BUTTON AGAIN.

I'm off to find some lunch. Legal lunch that is.